Patrick Adien Quinn

[skyblue]

[style=padding-top: 4px; margin-top: -19px; margin-bottom: -25px; font-family: georgia; font-size: 48px; letter-spacing: 1px; color: #5D0D73; text-shadow: #000000 1px 1px 2px; text-align: center;]SUBHUMAN[/style]

[atrb=width,430px,true][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,border: 5px solid #000000; background-color: #09030A; padding: 5px][style=padding-top: 4px; border-bottom: 4px #1C1C1C solid; font-family: georgia; font-style: italic; font-size: 29px; letter-spacing:-2px; color: #47314D; text-shadow:#000000 1px 1px 2px; text-align: left; text-transform: lowercase] ✧ Patrick Adien Quinn[/style][style=background-color:#161612; border: 4px solid #1C1C1C; float: right; height: 100px; width: 100px][/style] [style=margin-top: -21px; width: 286px; background-color: #0C010F; border: 1px solid #1C1C1C; padding: 3px; font-size: 10px; color: 706673;]✄-- SUB-RACE: pure blood ✄-- AGE: 17 ✄-- BIRTH DATE: May/21 ✄-- SEXUALITY: Bi-sexual ✄-- OCCUPATION: Student[/style] [style=margin-top: -20px; height: 20px; border-bottom: 2px dotted #1C1C1C; font-family: georgia; font-style: italic; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: 2px; color:#47314D; text-shadow: #000000 1px 1px 2px; text-align: left; text-transform: lowercase]overview[/style][style=border: 1px solid #1C1C1C; background-color: #0C010F; font-size: 10px; text-align: justify; padding: 3px; color: 706673]✄-- BIRTH POWER: Acceleration ✄-- SUB-TYPE: N/A ✄-- POWER LEVEL:level one ✄-- MAIN ATTACK POWER: Patrick often uses any type of kick as his main attack. He often tries to a a few punches but considering he has very little upper body strength he sticks to kicks. ✄-- ADDITIONAL POWERS: N/A ✄-- LOVE LIFE: patrick believes there is a such thing as true love. He believes that their isn't just one special person for someone but that there are many people for one person. He laso believes that love has no boundaries. ✄-- TALENTS/HOBBIES: he has a hobbie of reading and baking sweets. He also plays the violin. ✄-- INSTRUMENTAL: Violin ✄-- FACE CLAIM: Ayase Yukiya.[/style] [style=margin-top: -20px; height: 20px; border-bottom: 2px dotted #1C1C1C; font-family: georgia; font-style: italic; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: 2px; color: #47314D; text-shadow:#000000 1px 1px 2px; text-align: right; text-transform: lowercase]personality[/style] [style=border:1px solid #1C1C1C; background-color: #0C010F; font-size:10px; text-align: justify; padding: 3px; color: 706673; overflow: auto; height: 80px;]✄-- Patrick is a person who enjoys life. He tends to be shy to most he doesn't know. But just because he's shy doesn't mean he lets it stop him from talking or trying to interact with other. He is socially akward and tends play with his fingers or hair when nervous. He is a very trusting person, if someone can lie with a straight face he'll buy it. Though most can't seem to lie to such an innocent and genuinely nice person. Even though Patrick tries his hardest to be the sweetest and most caring person he can be; he often cann lose his tempure and become obsessive with things. He is much like a child in those areas. [/style] [style=margin-top: -20px; height: 20px; border-bottom: 2px dotted #1C1C1C; font-family: georgia; font-style: italic; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: 2px; color: #47314D; text-shadow: #000000 1px 1px 2px; text-align:right; text-transform: lowercase]appearance[/style] [style=border: 1px solid #1C1C1C; background-color: #0C010F; font-size: 10px; text-align: justify; padding: 3px; color: 706673; overflow: auto; height: 80px;]✄-- Patrick is a very lean male. He is seen as a stick to most though he does contain muscle just not enough to show off like most guys. He holds the oddest color blue eyes that can appear to hold purple if the lighting is right. He is only 5ft and 6inches tall which isn't very tall for a guy. He has almost bleach blonde hair along with semi pale skin. He perfers to dress in a private school student way. With the wearing of sweater vests polo shirts, and kakki pants. He may spice up his attire everynow and then with a band t-shirt, skinny jeanns, converses, vans, colorful nike high tops, and even a hat in the winter. [/style] [style=margin-top: -20px; height: 20px; border-bottom: 2px dotted #1C1C1C; font-family: georgia; font-style: italic; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: 2px; color: #47314D; text-shadow: #000000 1px 1px 2px; text-align:right; text-transform: lowercase]history[/style] [style=border: 1px solid #1C1C1C; background-color: #0C010F; font-size: 10px; text-align: justify; padding: 3px; color: 706673; overflow: auto; height: 80px;]✄-- Patrick was born on a cool spring day in May. He was healthy and happy baby growing up in a wealthy household. Though he grew up in a home full of hatred and revenge stricken grief; it never seemed to bother the small child. The loss of his grandfather was what brought the darkest cloud over his family. At his earlier pre-teens he was oblivious to the dark auras surronding his family. It wasn't until he turned the age of fifteen that he noticed just how invlolved with fighting aginst the manors he family was. Finding his gradfathers journal along with a golden pistol and small cross necklace. a few years later his family decided it was time to send their son away from the house to a nicer private school. Mostly because he needs to build up his own power so he isn't so weak and vulnerable. Thus, Patrick ended up going to the Academy. [/style] [style=margin-top: -20px; height: 20px; border-bottom: 2px dotted #1C1C1C; font-family: georgia; font-style: italic; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: 2px; color: #47314D; text-shadow: #000000 1px 1px 2px; text-align: left; text-transform: lowercase]behind the mask[/style][style=border: 1px solid #1C1C1C; background-color: #0C010F; font-size: 10px; text-align: justify; padding: 3px; color: 706673; overflow: auto; height: 80px;]✄-- CBOX ALIAS: Patty ✄-- ROLE PLAY YEARS: 2 ✄-- OTHER CHARACTERS: N/A [/style]

[Amaya Shimazu]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=valign,top][atrb=style,background: url(http://i56.tinypic.com/2583ujl.png); width: 400px; padding: 10px; border: #0c0c0c solid 15px;][style=background: #0a0a0a; border-bottom: #0a0a0a solid 6px; line-height: 10px; font-family: georgia; letter-spacing: -2px; font-size: 25px; color: #753c78; text-align: right; font-style: italic; padding-right: 10px; margin-bottom: 10px;]patrick's review: not quite.[/style][style=border: #222222 solid 5px;][style=background: #1a1a1a; border-left: #201721 solid 5px; padding: 5px; color: #767676;]TO ANYONE AND EVERYONE NEW: You know, I'd like to know how someone could think that he/she could make some half-assed biography and not expect to get drilled for it. Also, if you're not going to bother responding or making up for it in some type of fashion, I'd like to know this beforehand so I don't waste my time writing a review--that is by far more thought through than the biography itself--for someone who could care less. Although, seriously, I would like an answer to my initial statement, as it perplexes me so. Seriously watch what you're doing with the coding. I saw it and fixed it before you re-copied the bio code and such. Not to mention that image at the top. Find/Make an actual 100x100 icon and put it there instead. OVERVIEW  MAIN ATTACK POWER One's main attack power typically incorporates his/her actual Subhuman power(given they have one). There was a mention of a pistol in his history; if this is the weapon he uses now, you are to have added it here, as well. Add more; expand more; add something else to this. LOVE LIFE Maybe my definition of 'true love' is different than yours, but someone being one's true love, I wouldn't think there could be more than one for one individual(as your description seems to let off). Clarify this aspect. Also add anything about his own love life, which can range from simple girlfriends/boyfriends, having had a crush, had his first kiss, his first 'time', and so on and so forth. Please add something like what I mentioned, but you don't have to use everything I advised--just something to make this area more broad. FACE CLAIM Please give the animanga/visual novel/game/whatever that the face claim is off of. PERSONALITY You've not met the requirements for the bulk of the personality, which is two full paragraphs. Please add another paragraph's worth of insight to meet this aspect of the requirements. Add or list at least five likes and five dislikes and give a few fears, as was mentioned also. APPEARANCE Same problem as the Personality: two paragraphs are needed for this area to be even close to acceptable. Separate the overall physical appearance and the clothing style for instance; just add more to this area. HISTORY This area is regretfully vague and a little confusing, as nothing major was explained at all. Why and how did his grandfather die? Why was is it such a huge impact on the family that it seemed to have sent them all into a bottomless pit of despair and hatred? You left so much out that the history doesn't make much sense, nor can one even get a feel of your character's participation in his own past. Did he have any childhood experiences? Any crush that he may have held? Any mishaps or training made with his new power? This history is vague and barely defines practically any important or life-changing event of his life. Basically, add more. SYNTAX Even if everything else of this biography were cleared and fine, I wouldn't be able to approve it if it were for this area alone that held it back. I spotted a lot of simple grammar problems, there were typos and misspellings throughout, and your style is overall just very bland and nondescript. the best way to make your writing better is to do it more often and practice and play with new ways of writing a sentence; there are many ways to write just one sentence. Reading advanced literature tends to help most in this criterion, so I would advise it. Study other authors' writing styles--I am not saying, however, to copy it(or to even attempt to). You should also consider studying the styles of other members on this board, or just read their threads. This could be helpful since you may get a feel of what is normal around here and then you should shoot for that. I'd also like to throw out that while there are requirements set for this site(this applies to biographies, posts, etc.) you should always try to get above that. It makes other members and the staff happier when one does. As for your simple grammar errors, this is all be verbatim from what your English teacher should have taught you: Capitalize proper nouns and beginning of sentences. Serious amount of typos and misspellings. Understand, diffrenciate, and properly use the words 'their', 'there', and 'they're'. Confusion and misuse of prepositional words (e.i. in, at, under, etc.). An example from your writing: "At his earlier pre-teens..." this should be "In his earlier pre-teens..." Some sentences that required comas, you used a semicolon instead or just left out altogether. Missing apostrophes (whether for showing possession, contractions, etc., I found each within this biography) Fragmented sentences (I found a lot of these) As I mentioned prior, learn new types of sentences to liven your style. Use a Word processor of some sort, if this is not available to you then ensure(if you are using Google Chrome or Mozilla FireFox) that you have the spell check enabled. If this still isn't available to you, then at the very least use the ProBoard's Spell Check button that can found right beside the 'Post Reply' and 'Preview' buttons when you are about to reply on this board. You owe it to whomever you're posting with to read through what you have written to fix typoes and grammar errors. If you wouldn't do it for yourself, then do it for another. Respond in the notification thread once you're done revising everything and I will re-review Patrick's biography.[/style][/style]